As I sat listening to some tunes tonight and I heard those words, it seemed pretty fitting as I talked to an ex who struggles with a reoccurring substance abuse problem. I sit here so frustrated. He was probably the best guy I've dated, overall a great person and he had a huge part of my heart for a good year, but overall things ended with a shitty breakup sprinkled with infidelity. I had contemplated giving him another go lately, then came to the conclusion that we broke up for a reason, that reason had not changed, so why put myself in that position again. Why risk our now "stable" friendship for what assuredly would only end in disaster.
The more I thought about it the more I wondered why we put ourselves in positions like that. Positions that have the potential to hurt us, to seriously alter the path of our lives and our viewpoints. Why do we hang on to the fragments of broken pasts hoping to piece them back together into the perfect picture we had once painted? I guess it's because when it comes down to it we think that the possibility of huge success greatly outweighs the potential for failure. I mean what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right? I certainly hope so.
I guess no matter what we go through, no matter who we love and lose, no matter all the things that go wrong, they shape who we are and lay the path for us to move forward on. I really couldn't live without the things that have made my life what it is, because without them I would be someone else and be somewhere else, and I can say with 100% certainty that I love who I am and where I am at, and I know that one day everything will align and I will make sense of it all. I guess until then I just need to accept the things I can't change and appreciate the loves I once had for what they were and want nothing else from them.
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