I had some aunts and cousins wanting to get together and since I am a bit younger than all of my cousins I thought it would be a good opportunity to spend some time together and went along for the ride. Our crew consisted of me and my Mom, 2 of my aunts and 4 of my cousins and it was decided that we would spend the weekend in Minneapolis and "catch a show". Sounds like a good time right? Well ask yourself what this show could possibly be. No not a musical, not a play, not a sporting event and not a concert. What's left? Male revue. Yes I said it, male revue! This is my nightmare. I was soon informed that the ladies had tickets and we would be attending a showing of "Australia's Thunder From Down Under".
Are you uncomfortable yet because I was. Watching a bunch of guys strip while sitting at a table with my mom and aunts didn't really get me excited but I thought I'd be a good sport and wondered how bad could it be. I mean shoot, I love a man with a nice body, frankly, I love men in general. Well let me tell you it was bad. Envision poorly choreographed dance numbers with men dressed as spartans & 1930's mobsters. There were all types of vests being opened and thrown about and don't even get me started on the amount of knee pads used. I don't know what the women of Australia fantasize about but seeing a man in a spartan helmet and kneepads doesn't really do it for me.
Envision a room full of women and dudes dressed as women, ranging in age from 21 to 81 screaming and groping at these dudes while they dance on tables and take shots, it was surreal. I think the worst part of it all was the fact that I couldn't get a buzz. I had a drink in our limo ride, 2 at dinner, along with 2 beers and 2 shots at the show and was as sober as could be. Lame. Not even Chuck Norris (1 shot vodka, 2 shots liquid ice) could save me.
The entire show lasted over 2 hours. 2 hours! All I could think of was how I wish I were wasted so I could be enjoying myself instead of stealing horrified glances at my mother across the table. Not only did these guys attempt coreographed dancing but then they would hop out into the crowd and run around letting you touch them while you stuffed dollar bills down their satin thongs, yes you read correctly SATIN THONGS! Once again Australia I don't necessarily want a view of your "bits and pieces" and don't get me wrong I saw and enjoyed a few fine asses but the second the thongs came out I was just not havin' it. I mean get some booty boxer briefs or something, I am supposed to wear the purple satin thong, not you.
The only thing that led to much enjoyment for me was the last number they did, not only because I knew it was almost over but because seeing these sweaty meaty men dressed in jeans and plaid work shirts with cowboy hats and boots was admittedly hot, (see below).
As they pranced around to "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" (guilty pleasure song for this girl) I began to enjoy myself and may have cornered the fine looking emcee Benny on a chair at our table with a fist full of cash, classy party of one right here. I mean you would too, take a peek at him! His hair was not blonde but rather styled in a dark faux hawk much like my man Carlos at HyVee, his dimples were to die for and well need I describe the third arrow for you? You would have taken the cash wad to his pants too.
Then all at once it was over. The lights came on and we all realized that the boys looked better with them dimmed and we hit the road in our limo once again. My relatives went crazy over the "thunder thongs" and calendars for sale and we analyzed each one of them on the way home. While doing this we found that one of the performers had been in the show for over 15 years. Wow, what does this guy write home about? I again said Benny was the hottest guy in the show and saw that he was a meager 24, I hope that doesn't make me a cougar for loving him and his rhinestone jeans.
After all was said and done I realized I did have a good time with my fam. Getting together like this was something we had never done and I love building relationships with my cousins, even though it involved "hairless gents from the bush" if you will. I also determined that most of the performers had to be gay as the constant high-fiving of each other while they entered and exited the stage was a bit strange, and honestly someone has to do the manscaping and I doubt they keep a woman on the bus for that. I also was most disappointed that the boys did not dance to Men At Work's hit Down Under. Thanks Nic for bringing that to my attention.
Would I go again? Maybe. If there was a ladies weekend in Vegas and I was with my girls and the "B" Team was not performing, I might. If I don't get to Vegas anytime soon the good news is that the boys are in Iowa City tomorrow night, roadtrip anyone?!
It only seems appropriate to leave you with this video because I really do love the song, mostly because it's as close to rap as country gets and because yes, it reminds me of the country town I was raised in and love. And Mom, no, it's not "Save a Cowboy, Ride a Horse" ;)
Yikes. Just... yikes.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the final comment, I appreciate you pointing that out....Love ya, M
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