Certainty

Unfortunately it had been far too long since I had been to church when I went tonight, no excuses here, it just hadn't been a priority for me lately. I hate that I find making God an option sometimes, you know when He's convenient for me I make time for Him, and it's an even worse feeling as I type it here. I'm definitely not the type of person that thinks you need to go to church every week to be considered a "good" Christian. In fact isn't it worse if you go to church purely out of ritual not because you are seeking Him? I think a persons walk with the Big Guy is incredibly personal and that I have no right judging anyone for their relationship with Christ, seriously, mine is enough to worry about. I will say though that it is really important for me to be with people that acknowledge that there is a God and are comfortable talking (not arguing) about their faith and their struggles.

For me, I struggle continually with having faith that God will bring me a good man. Although being single for the past *cough* few years *cough* has been an exercise in independence I'm pretty tired of it. I really do want a family of my own and someone to share it with. I always say that I trust that when the time is right he will appear, but that doesn't make the waiting any easier nor does hearing, "it will happen when you least expect it" haha. But tonight at church I was reminded of my control-freak tendencies. I heard about how even when we think we have given it all to Him to control, we are still holding on. How that when I say He can have it but question what He will do, or when He will act, that I in fact am still trying to control His way. It is hard to let go and let God, and not only in relationships, but I think it's what you have to do to get by and that is where I am glad I have faith.

I am certain there is a greater force out there, something so big that I cannot fathom it, and I am certain He knows best and will bring me a good man when the time is right. I love a good Bible verse and tonight I got one. Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. What can I say, it's stuff like that, that helps me breathe a little easier and make each day better than the last.