Have A Little Faith ... Or Maybe A Lot

I'll admit when I decided at the beginning of the year to go to grad school and become a teacher, it was a bit of an escapist move. I was just getting settled into B. Bro and losing all mental acuteness and thought it was the only way out. However the idea grew on me and became something I seriously wanted to pursue. As I registered for my first two classes I still thought I was crazy and became worried about what my future would hold. As school began, and I threw away even more free time than the mall already consumed, I thought things were headed in the right direction. When I got into the classroom and began getting my feet wet I really began thinking it was a perfect fit. Now I wouldn't be writing like this if I was still feeling that same sense of confidence.

I have a very pragmatic and systematic personality (and somehow managed to become an artist?) and lately it has been shoved into overdrive.

I look at the time I will be in grad school...
Anticipated graduation 2012 with 16 credits remaining to become fully endorsed in reading, special education and art. Total time in college 9 years.

I look at the financial obligation I will owe...
Undergrad = $30,000 Graduate= $35,000 TOTAL=$65,000
That's payments of $311 every month for the next 30 years

I look at the quality of life I have...
Currently I am out of the house Monday to Wednesday from around 8a to 9p or so. I typically close the store on Thursday nights and work some sort of shift every Friday, Saturday and Sunday but one a month. I had to give up volleyball and I don't remember the last time I saw an episode of Grey's Anatomy. My days off usually consist of homework and laundry. I have a paper (sometimes 2) due every week until the 16th of December from here on out. This fall I will cut back and work part time and go to class full time, and probably will have to find some sort of secondary income (Lumberyard or Beach Girls here I come).

And I look at my projected salary...
I think we all know what teachers get paid

After all of this I really do wonder if this is where I am supposed to be. What if after all of this I hate teaching? What if I'm bad at it? What if I can't get a job? Don't get me wrong. I am not trying to play a pity game or earn anyone's sympathy but I really do feel stuck lately and this is the last place I anticipated finding myself a year and a half after leaving ISU. I am exhausted and frustrated looking for a light at the end of the tunnel. It's times like this that I am thankful for my faith because I am 100% living on the will of God right now, and I really hope it all pays off. More importantly I hope my tattoo doesn't rub off because I've sure been staring at it a lot lately!